The Influencer


Principle number four for this week in our marriage class is focusing on “Let Your Partner Influence You.” In any relationship, it takes you and someone else to have conflict or even a normal agreement.  It isn’t you and yourself, me myself or I.  The same thing can be said about marriages, it takes you and your partner to break or make a marriage. Are you willing to do everything you can to keep your marriage thriving? Are you going to be the one in control or are you willing to give and take? As for me, I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep strengthening my marriage so it will last for the rest of our lives. I know the best way that this is possible is if I am willing to accept the influences from my spouse. I respectfully and happily accept with willingness of heart his thoughts and ideas.

My husband and I played the survival game, where you choose 10 things from a given list that we would want or need if we were stranded on an island. After that, we were to decide on 10 things we both agree on.  His ten items were water, toilet paper, food, knife, first aid kit, Sunblock, Life raft with sail, Walkie-talkie, maps, and compass. Mine were food, water, sleeping bags, first aid kit, knife, matches, shovel, cook stove and lantern, two tents, and two changes of clothing. Of the 10 things, we only had four items that were the same. The purpose of this game is to choose 10 things we both agreed by discussing what is important.  I was really interested in what my partner said. I agreed with him, but he said if we were ok with staying on the island, the ten things I listed would be just fine. We can live there and never leave the island because we adore each other and would be happy no matter where we are at. The purpose of the game was to see if there would be any argument between us, but that didn’t happen with us because we are content with one another. Marriage expert Dr. John Gottman said, “A happy marriage is an emotionally intelligent marriage. Rather than creating a climate of disagreement and resistance, they embrace each other’s needs.” (Gottman and Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; page 4) I love the influence of ideas and thoughts in my life from my forever companion.  It is one of the many reasons that keeps my marriage fun, loving and full of surprises. 

I know there are marriages that struggle because the couples cannot agree on things or are willing to let their partner influence them. Often, they end up fighting about the simplest things, like whether the toilet seat should be up or down. Kindly help each other overcome your differences. A marriage can be a wonderful and joyous part of life if we sincerely put our spouse first in all things. It is selfless love that benefits and completes both of you.



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