Gridlock

What is gridlock? According to webster.com gridlock is “a traffic jam in which a grid of intersecting streets is so completely congested that no vehicular movement is possible.” Relationship gridlock on the other hand is like that traffic jam when both partners are not willing to work out the conflicts between them and have no solution for moving forward with it, they are stuck and frustrated. In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman counsels us to “Keep working on your unresolvable conflicts. Couples who are demanding of their marriage are more likely to have deeply satisfying unions than those who lower their expectations.” He continues by explaining that the first step in overcoming gridlock is open communication with your partner about your hopes, aspirations, and life goals. (Gottman, 2015).

Open communication is so important in my marriage. I’m blessed to have someone in my life that I can talk to about anything. My fears, my hopes, my dreams, and my worries. I believe that if I was unable to share my feelings and speak my thoughts out loud to him, our marriage would not bloomed into what it is today. For example, my husband enjoys hiking because it makes him feel wonderful to be out with nature and simply something he enjoys. I understand him and support him. On the other hand, I can dance for hours in a classroom full of students and a hike is hard for me. It’s not that I don’t like to go hiking or enjoy nature, but hiking is difficult, it hurt my knees and causes breathing problem for me. I am happier doing something else. We discuss this matter and many others to keep ourselves clear of any gridlock formation. He understands my concerns; I understand his. We can move forward because we understand each other.

Gridlock in a marriage relationship is hard, but there is a way out no matter how jammed it is. I hate to travel; my husband loves it! He likes to go hiking; I’d rather stay home and crochet. He loves to try new food; I rather eat liver and onion every day. I like to have three blankets on me in bed; he only needs the sheet. He likes to go out for dinner; I don’t. Whatever the issues are with your spouse, there is a way out. It starts with one tiny step. According to Dr. Gottman, “All you need is motivation a willingness to explore the hidden issues that are really causing the gridlock” (Gottman, 2015). No marriage is perfect. There are so many conflicts in every relationship.  Learning how to manage them and finding a solution for them will set you free to love one another more fully. Take the time to listen to each other’s goals, hopes, and dreams, and support each other.  It is the key to make your marriage fill with joy today and always.

Source:

1.     https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gridlock

2.     Gottman, J. M., PhD, & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.