It’s the Little Things That Matter

This week we are learning about the third principle for making marriage work. This third principle is from Dr. Gottman’s Book, “The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work” and is found in chapter six, “Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away”. Doing little things together like washing the dishes, the car, or taking walks around the neighborhood will have greater impact later.  Dr. Gottman says that every time partners turn towards each other, they are funding their emotional bank account. He described this bank account like saving money. When you put into your emotional bank account all the nice and kind things you do or say to each other, it will be stored and become a shield for when rough times get in the way.  Turning toward each other is very easy to do. It’s not spending lots of money at a fancy restaurant, it is as simple as not getting mad at them when they are mad at you, listening to what each other says and in offering positive feedback. For example, in my marriage I love it when my husband sends me quick text to tell me to have an amazing day. It gives me the boost I need to jump start my morning.

Every night before my husband and I go to sleep, we both get on our knees and offer prayer to our Heavenly Father for the daily blessings we have received and for other blessings of safety and protection, of peace and comfort for our family and friends.  Our prayers of gratitude to Him for all the many blessings he bestowed in our lives, in our marriage, and in everything around us gives us the strength we need to face whatever challenges may be heading towards us. After our prayers, we take a moment to say, “I love you” to each other and kiss good night. This is our daily ritual.  In times past, before our children grew wings and moved away, they too would join us in family prayer after we read a verse or two from the scriptures. Our family rituals are what brings us closer to each other and to God.

Now that our children are on their own and are no longer living in our home. Our house is quiet and empty.  I miss the sound of the piano in the background when my son would play his favorite piece or composition.  I miss my daughter’s daily doodles and artistic drawing pads left on the table, and I miss most the hugs and kisses she gave me for cooking her favorite food. Even the dog, who’s barking was so annoying before, is now no longer a problem in our home. With just the two of us, the tradition of praying together continues as well as many other little things we do together in our home. No matter what it is that we do together or how small it may seem, our time spent together doing the little things is what is keeping our marriage fun and romantic.

In my marriage, I personally do not care about a big get-away to some fancy and faraway place.  It is saying our prayers together daily, going to church, remembering special occasions like Valentine's Day and anniversaries, helping each other with house work, and doing service for others around us that truly helps us turns toward one another. Small acts of kindness go a long way and as we continue to keep at it, we are adding to our marriage emotional fund. I hope that my emotional funding account will continue to increase and will gain compounding interest that will one day make me a very rich emotional millionaire