Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage

“Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks in his talk “Divorce” from the May 2007 Ensign said, “We live in a world in which the whole concept of marriage is in peril and where divorce is common place.” I have found this to be true in my own personal experience.  My family considers divorce normal; and being married for a long time is the rare exception.  This is very sad and as couples we should be doing all that we can to stay married, especially when young children are involved. Divorce hurts everyone and can cause many social, mental and physical problems for the family.

One way that divorce can be prevented is by people reaching out to get help from others. Family, friends, local church leaders, counselors, and professional therapists can all provide help and support in these situations, but we must want it.  Two other things that can help prevent divorce are applying the principles of repentance and forgiveness. These principles can help strengthen any marriage.

We all make mistakes as we participate in daily activities through work, family, friends, and recreations. Temptation is all around us, and if we are not careful, we will fall into transgression and make mistakes. When we do, we must apologize, and then change and correct our mistakes; this is repenting of our wrong doings.  We must also forgive ourselves and one another. If someone had wronged us and hurt us through their behavior, words, or actions, we need to forgive them and help them find help. By forgiving ourselves and our spouse, we will fill our heart with love instead of guilt, anger or remorse. Repentance and forgiveness are key factors in strengthening any marriage. 

A friend of mine committed adultery during her first three years of marriage.  She felt that she was neglected and not cared for by her husband who often return home day after day from work and did not pay attention to her or to their child. She shared that all he wanted to do was to turn on the television and then he would zone her out.  During this time in their marriage, they had a guest who stayed with them temporarily. While her husband was away, this male friend was helpful and kind.  He would take her shopping and do things with her and the baby. They spent quality time together and one thing lead to another.  Eventually she gave in to temptation and committed adultery with this male friend. 

When her husband discovered this, he was hurt and devastated.  He had been faithful to her and didn’t realized what was happening. You can imagine how hard this must have been for both and for their little baby. The man my friend had the affair with was truly not a good friend and he wanted to separate my friend and her husband.  He wanted to take her away if she was willing to leave her husband. Knowing that what she had done was wrong, and feeling very guilty and hurt by her own actions, my friend sought help and guidance from her bishop. Coming from a broken home herself, where divorce was normal, she knew that she did not want that for her children. She wanted her baby to grow up with two loving parents.

Her husband loved her and was willing to make the marriage work if she was willing to continue and keep trying. She wanted the same and asked for forgiveness. Through the repentance process, my friend learned to rely on the Lord for forgiveness for her mistakes.  As she, her husband and the Bishop counseled together over the next year, their marriage improved.  They both repented of their mistakes and each did all they could to care for each other and to protect their marriage from outsiders. Through this process, they could both repent of the mistakes they had made, and to forgive each other. 

Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but when we truly forgive, our hearts are filled with charity and love.  This couple is still together after many years of marriage and they have learned to love each other above all else and to never let anyone come between them or their children again. No one is perfect and we must constantly strive to improve ourselves.

Repentance and forgiveness are essential to this process—and to a good marriage.  Elder Oak said from his article "Divorce", “Bishops do not counsel members to divorce, but they can help members with the consequences of their decisions. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.” Elder Oaks' quote is comforting to me when he said, "if our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them.” The same thing is true for a married couple who needs healing.