Today and Always

This week we are learning about the third principle for making marriage work. This third principle is from Dr. Gottman’s Book, “The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work” and is found in chapter six, “Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away”. Doing little things together like washing the dishes, the car, or taking walks around the neighborhood will have greater impact later.   Dr. Gottman says that every time partners turn towards each other, they are funding their emotional bank account. He described this bank account like saving money. When you put into your emotional bank account all the nice and kind things you do or say to each other, it will be stored and become a shield for when rough times get in the way.   Turning toward each other is very easy to do. It’s not spending lots of money at a fancy restaurant, it is as simple as not getting mad at them when they are mad at you, listening to what each other says and in offering positive feedback. For example, in my...

This week we are learning about the first two principles of, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John M. Gottman.   He said principle number one is to enhance your love maps. A love map is something you can recall or know about your partner. For example, knowing a spouse’s favorite color, or favorite flower. By doing this, it will allow us to get to know them.   Can you truly love someone if you don’t know anything about them?   This is an interesting principle because we sometimes think we know who we are married to, and then realized, um, who and why did I marry this person?   It’s important to stay connected to our spouse; knowing what they like and don’t like. For example, remembering their favorite food or song may seem like a small thing, but knowing what makes them sad, glad, or stressful can be a great tool to help them feel better or comfort them in time of distress. Dr. Gottman teaches us to check in with our spo...

Battling the Four Horsemen The opposite of charity in marriage is as r esearcher John Gottman refers to, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.   Dr. John M. Gottman and Nan Silver wrote the book called, “ The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”. In chapter three the authors wrote, “Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of marriage in the following order: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling”. The last book in the New Testament is the book of Revelations. In chapter six, verses 1-8 the scripture passage speaks of four horsemen tied to calamities that will happen in our world.   These horsemen represent destruction and in marriage especially can be the cause that leads to divorce. The four horsemen will ruin any marriage if not kept under control. The best way to win this battle is through charity in our marriage. The first horseman is Criticism.   Being critical of our spouse can lead to more negativity. ...